The Family I Thought I’d Never Have

This LGBT+ History Month, we’re highlighting the stories that are often overlooked.

Jane (she/they), Proud 2 b Parents’ new Community Engagement Worker, shares their journey to parenthood — a story shaped by visibility, resilience, and the right to build a family, firmly rooted within LGBTQ+ history.

I grew up during the time of Section 28, with a Catholic upbringing where religion was a big part of my childhood. I attended church, I went to Catholic schools, and the idea of what a “family” was supposed to look like was deeply embedded in me from a very young age. A man. A woman. Children. That was the only picture I was ever shown. I grew up wanting my own family. I can’t remember a time when I didn’t want children. I helped wherever I could with younger family members, always assuming that one day it would be my turn — that this future was waiting for me, I would find a man to love and have children.

“A man. A woman. Children. That was the only picture I was ever shown.”

What I didn’t know then was that there was another path. When I eventually understood that I was gay, my very first thought wasn’t freedom or relief — it was grief. I believed, instantly and completely, that my dream of being a parent was over. Not just difficult or different, but wrong. I thought it wasn’t something that could or should be done. I believed any child I had would be bullied, excluded, or harmed simply because of who their parents were.

“When I eventually understood that I was gay, my very first thought wasn’t freedom or relief — it was grief.”

That belief didn’t come from nowhere. It came from silence. From growing up under Section 28, where LGBT+ lives were erased from schools, where no one told us that same-sex families existed, let alone that they could be happy, loving, and safe. The only acceptable future I was shown was a heteronormative one — and anything outside of that felt impossible.

The change for me didn’t happen all at once. It happened slowly, gently, through real life. I began to see same-sex families attending the nurseries where I worked. I saw children thriving, loved, supported — just like any other family. I saw parents showing up to pick-ups, parents evenings, birthday parties. Nothing shocking. Nothing broken. Just families. I was also incredibly fortunate to find myself working within a progressive nursery group that actively celebrated diversity and inclusion. They didn’t just tolerate difference — they embraced it. That environment, alongside the love and support of my amazing wife, helped me unlearn what I had been taught and see what had always been true: families are families, whatever their makeup. And then something I once thought was impossible happened. We had a child.

“No one told us that same-sex families existed, let alone that they could be happy, loving, and safe.”

Now we have an incredible child — loved, secure, joyful — and I know with every part of me that the fears I once carried were never about children at all. They were about a society that hadn’t yet learned how to make space for families like mine.

“Now we have an incredible child — loved, secure, joyful.”

This LGBT+ History Month, I reflect not just on how far I have come, but on how important visibility, education, and representation truly are. If I had seen families like mine when I was younger, my journey might have been less painful. If I had been told that my future didn’t have to shrink just because I was gay, I might have believed in myself sooner. I will continue to fight for my family — and for everyone in our community. And I am deeply proud to be in this privileged role as Community Engagement Worker for Proud 2 b Parents, helping to make sure that future generations grow up knowing what I didn’t: that they are allowed to dream, to love, and to build families in all the ways that feel true to them.

Because change doesn’t just happen in history books.

It happens in families. In visibility.

And in telling our stories out loud.